Never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticise them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

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I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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 My grandfather died peacefully, in his sleep…

not screaming like the passengers in his car.

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What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

Compiled from the internet