A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”

The lawyer responds: “I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.”

“Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”

“Yes. What’s your third question?”

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I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

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How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

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What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

    Compiled from the internet