I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

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I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

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Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong"

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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

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And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

    Compiled from the internet