So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!
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Doctor: Hello, did you come to see me with an eye problem?
Patient: Wow, yes, how can you tell?
Doctor: Because you came in through the window instead of the door.
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I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.    Compiled from the internet