I tried to change my password to "14days".

The computer said it was two week.

* * * *  * * * * *

Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.

They'll kill your dog.

* * * *  * * * * *

"Doctor, doctor, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

* * * *  * * * * *

I'm on a whisky diet.

I've lost three days already.

* * * *  * * * * *

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week.

Later I phoned her up for a date but she'd popped her clogs.

    Compiled from the internet