I found my wife hanging from a rope in the attic.
There was a note saying, "I really can't stand your criticsm any longer!"
I quickly cut the rope and reanimated her. Thankfully I could bring her back to life.
As she lay in my arms I could see her eyes slowly open and I said, "Come on, that's not how you spell criticism."
* * * * * * * * * *
A guy goes to the information desk in a supermarket and says, “ I’m looking for insulation wool for my hobby room.”
The clerk apologizes that they sell no such thing, perhaps he’d be more lucky at a Home Depot.
“OK,” agrees the man, “all jokes aside, I’m looking for tampons for my wife.”
    Compiled from the internet