Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
* * * * * * * * *
 “My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
* * * * * * * * *
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!”
 Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.”
* * * * * * * * *
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…
What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!
    Compiled from the internet