Sana Hossain

I can say with certainty that I had never understood others suffering from unbearable loss of a dear person. For my part it used to be pity and compassion. This happened to me when my mother died. I started to understand all those people who lost someone they loved. This intolerable pain which tears you apart, which is like a stone in your heart and which makes tears run down your face with each recollection of the dear person who passed away. Time is unlikely to alleviate this hurt no matter what others claim.
Every morning I still wake up thinking that she is lying in her bed and watching TV. Then suddenly the truth comes rushing up to me and I realize that it is just a dream hanging around me still, and a cold despair fall upon me. Despite my apparent tranquility and surface brightness, I feel empty inside. My mother’s death was a really sobering experience I have passed through. It was the most devastating loss in my life. No one has ever loved the way she did. I miss our talks, her support, advices and care. This feeling of emptiness and helplessness without the closest person never leaves you. Mother cannot be substituted by anyone. Luckily, I had some time to thank my mother for sharing with me qualities that made her so special for others, the ability to forgive, honesty, devotion, kindness, generosity, cheerfulness, patience, dependability, delicacy. I thanked her for her loving help and protection for giving me everything I needed. I remember all those times when I didn’t put her feelings before my own. I know that my mom forgave me for my misbehavior but for some reason when she passed away I remembered all the last moments. Now, when she is no longer with me it leaves a space that no one else can fill because the bond between mother and child can never be broken. She was the dearest person in my life. I want to do something to keep the warmth and memory of my mother. It is good that there are photos so that I can give her smooth smile. These days I try hard not to think about the past and focus on my future. Although my pain is still as immense as on the day of my mother’s death, now I clearly see what I have to do to go on living. I mustn’t stay on my own, with all my depressive thoughts. I will have to take up any activity-read books, play computer games, do sports. It is also worth using my time and energy. Helping others will give a meaning to my life, and I will have less time to plunge into the abyss of despair.