Its the marriage season
Instead of laughing and conversing about a womans readiness for marriage, it is high time that we start asking her what degrees she aims to pursue and what steps she is taking towards obtaining the occupation of her dreams
Fariha Nazim
It is the spring season now, and this year, it symbolizes a great deal more than it has in previous years. This is the spring that my older sister is graduating from college, obtaining a double Bachelors degree, and moving forward into the next steps of her life. Unfortunately, where she sees this pinnacle point in her career path and academic life as a critical accomplishment, others see it as something far different.
Upon hearing of my sisters educational advancement and accolades, it almost feels as though it is a sudden yet significant reminder to all that she is now of marital age.
It almost as though her degree will now signify that her maturation level, physical wellness, and overall mental readiness is inclined towards marriage.
I have watched family members and friends alike reference marriage when hearing that my sisters graduation is fast approaching, and the truth is, it is extremely disrespectful because it reduces her to a woman whose key value stems from marital worth and perpetuates a cycle of domestication and traditional gender roles.
My sister is just one woman, but so many woman of the South-Asian community, and perhaps the overall society in general, are subject to marital expectations as they inch closer towards their career. It is as if their graduation sends out a message to all that their marital availability is now at a peak and must be acted upon.
Though it might seem as though this is not a problematic matter because from an evolutionary perspective, early marriages resonate largely with the possibility of forming and nourishing a family from an early age. This of course leads to biological advantages such as high fertility and high energy levels when parenting, but that is only half of the story.
This overemphasis of marriage on women creates this identity for them that only allows them to viewed worthy when taking on the role of a wife or a mother.
It is as though any other position is secondary to that of a wife or mother, which is demeaning, domesticating and strips women of the worth they deserve for their incredible skills, intelligence, capabilities, and innate brilliance.
When marriage becomes more important of a topic than a womans career path or academic steps, it asserts the position that she is to take as the homemaker. For men, the question of marriage does not come into play until they are inching closer towards 30, allowing them to obtain all advanced degrees and experience in a career path, This difference in gender standards makes very clear how abundant patriarchal views are and how prevalently they permeate the lives of women, particularly South-Asian women, even in todays day and age.
Instead of laughing and conversing about a womans readiness for marriage, it is high time that we start asking her what degrees she aims to pursue and what steps she is taking towards obtaining the occupation of her dreams. It is time that we start viewing her as an equal to a man and start valuing her for her intelligence and practical skill rather than her role as a wife or mother. I have heard so many expectations, spewed out in subtle ways, to the South Asian women in my life that make very clear that careers are secondary to the skills associated with domestication, and it is absolutely absurd that this is the way our society is breeding young women.
Instead of jokingly asking our women whether or not they have learned how to cook and clean, it is the job of the overall society to instead ask her what she wants for herself in terms of a career and how is she getting there. The focus for young women should remain on whatever she chooses for herself without the added pressure of members of society inputting and inserting marriage related commentary.
The writer is a freelancer
