Travails of working mothers
It would be injustice not talking about the burning issue in a womans life that can burn down your
happiness, desire of being good and efficient in your professional life
Mehnaaz Pervin Tuli
No one will disagree with the viewpoint that education is the backbone of a nation or only education can give you freedom and self-respect. But too much education is harmful and sometimes it is better not to study after 10th grade. It is enough that you can read and write and can communicate. The readers might be getting enraged of my opinion. In this 21st century, when everything is advancing with a great flow, why am I talking about backward lifestyle? I am specifically talking about women, the highly educated women with great knowledge, creativity and dream.
Let me ask you. You are a girl? You are born in Bangladesh or may be in our neighboring countries? You are from a traditional family? You are educated, career oriented? You have great passion for knowledge and you are eager to pursue higher studies? Now if these are the situations, let us see what are the things you have to face?
What is so great about that you are a dedicated mother, dedicated wife and a dedicated professional worker? What happens then? You constantly feel a pressure to satisfy everyone in every aspect. If you are married and you want to go abroad, then your in-laws will pressurize you in various ways. You cannot leave your husband and go. If your husband goes with you, it seems ok. If you have kids then it is impossible to leave them even for a year and go for pursuing higher degree. Why should you go? How can you take such a decision? You are a cruel mother as well as cruel human being. If you are single, still there are problems because when are you going to return and get married? Your age is rising higher and higher even more than price hike. No one will marry you then.
Now if you are a married women and also a full time working lady, then everything gets sorted out, right? But we get to something else. You have to manage everything at home and at office single handed and no one should help you because you are getting due punishment for being ambitious and self-dependent. I must say that not all cases are same but in most cases these are the scenario. After all these, you might have to take frequent leave from office to attend various function and daoats from the in-laws family and definitely this is more important than your professional ethics and dedication. But the sad part is you cant even mention about taking leave to the bosses/ authority.
It would be injustice not talking about the burning issue in a womans life that can burn down your happiness, desire of being good and efficient in your professional life.
The situation is that you are a working woman, married and expecting child. We all know by now that how hard it is to get maternity leave in some private job sectors. You will get confused when to take leave and when not. It is matter of thought that whether you will take leave before the delivery or after the delivery. With great surprise, some private organizations, schools, universities allow one month paid leave and may be four months unpaid leave. Are you happy now to get your proper punishment of taking decision to work even after marriage? The truth is that it becomes a dilemma for the woman to continue the job or leave the job. Now among all these stressful hurdles, the situation becomes unbearable when the working wife/mother doesnt get any help from the husband or in-laws. It becomes so hard for her to carry on these relationships and workloads that lead to depression and
sometimes withdrawal from the family bondage or even leads to hysteria.
As a working mother, you have to manage both kids and professional life smoothly. Your kids are the most important part of your life and you must also show dedication and professionalism in your job sector. It is a modern life crisis every woman is facing now specially in our country. Life becomes little easy when the husbands and in-laws reach out to you for assisting and guiding you. Even the surrounding people at office should realize your crucial time and period you are going through.
Sometimes, the male members of the family will attribute you with the qualities of being a super woman, super mom who can manage everything in and out perfectly. After this benevolent attributing, the woman would feel emotional pressure to keep up with this superhuman quality. It makes sense when you are not only exalted to this level but also helped by your spouse and in-laws for whom you leave your family and started living in a different and new setting. In that situation, you feel energized and inspired to play your part efficiently.
Another problem arises when you are in a fix with whom to keep your child when you are away at work. It is very important for a child to have someone to take care of them intensively till the age of 10. You cannot rely on house maid and most of the cases the in-laws wont help you. The most convenient and only option that our mothers take up is keeping the child to her mother that is the mother of the wife/woman. So, it becomes more difficult to think of a way out when your mother does not live with you or near you. At that position definitely the headache is yours because it is your sole responsibility to think about the childs nurture and care. When you are at office and your child is with someone other than your husband and mother, you feel restless every moment by thinking about your child. If the child is below five, there are lots of danger and harm that can occur because the child cannot express properly.
If by any chance your child gets sick or gets hurt due to the negligence of the maid or helper, the sole responsibility is yours and you are the criminal here. Nobody else should or needs to think about the arrangements of keeping the baby. The problem gets solved more or less when you get your partner beside you who can understand your dilemma and never points finger at you for the problem that occur regarding child. Both the parents can think a way out and even the in-laws can help out when the wifes mother is not available.
But it is a matter of great gallantry to even think of this mutual help and guidance from the men and the women of in-laws family because the fault is yours. You are incapable of managing your child smoothly while it is only your prior duty. So, I must say that you will feel intimidated, victimized, insulted, and helpless to take decision about doing job or not. You would not have felt so bad if you had not passed graduation and higher degrees with dedication and industry. Why take this pressure girls? It is enough that you can read and write, can understand news in the TV, and can decorate yourself with good standard so that your husband can take you to posh parties. Why take so pressure and venture of being finely educated and ambitious and take all these pressure. Dont you know that too much learning is a dangerous thing for you!
The writer teaches English at a local private university
