Caring for the elderly

Life as we know it will certainly change as we age. People the world over are inclined towards delaying the aging process, but alas, it is an unavoidable part of life and regardless of how much anti-aging products we pile on, it will get us all, soon enough.
As the world observed the 10th World Elder Abuse Awareness Day on June 15, aimed at creating public awareness about the mistreatment and neglect of older persons (65+), let’s take a look at the most common problems that the elderly face in today’s society in Bangladesh.
The first and foremost problem facing families nowadays seem to be: who will care for aging family members. The pace of life among the young has changed and given the amount of work required to compete in today’s world, there is hardly any time left to take of the elderly.
We go for the easy solution. We follow the usual norm of hiring household help who is put in charge of caring for the old person. We come home late and hardly say a word to our spouses or children, let alone our elderly parents.  But still, that seems preferable over putting them in an old-age home.
There is stigma attached to putting your elderly relatives in care homes; it makes you seem irresponsible and selfish and we choose to adhere to that perfect son/daughter image and hire untrained individuals to do a specialist’s work.
The Weekend Independent caught up with Khatib Abdul Zahid Mukul, a humanitarian and founding chairman of Old Rehabilitation Centre, which was established in 1987 on rented premises and later moved to its own land, located at a calm and quite place in Bishia, Gazipur. In April 1995, Nobel peace prize winner, Mother Teresa, laid the foundation stone of the centre’s expansion project.
 Sharing some of his experiences, Mukul said:
“Firstly, the way our society views the act of putting one’s parents in old homes will have to be altered. This notion is frowned upon by society, but it is definitely a good option, given that the residents in our home are mostly 65-plus, and when they have people of their own age around  to keep them company, they are definitely less lonely. Another common reason why many are reluctant to send their parents to old homes is that they want their children to enjoy the company of their grandparents.”
“The reality of many elderly citizens residing in the old home is heartbreaking,” continued Mukul. “You see, we are brought up by our parents, especially the sons are pampered more so that they will support their elderly parents. But I have seen many cases where the much-cherished son ignores his parents and just refuses to take responsibility. I have even witnessed emotional abuse of the elderly by close family members. In many cases, the son who does not earn much gives preference to his own children over his parents, financial ability often is the cause for negligence of elderly parents in our society.”
“I have 33 years of experience and so many stories to tell, one such story is of a mother who refused to be a burden on her son. One day, a man called me and requested that I stop keeping his mother as a resident in the old home. He was a tea-stall owner in Gulshan area and lived in a nearby settlement. I went to my facility in search for the mother and when I found her, I asked her about the real story behind her son’s request. She told me that her son was struggling financially and lived in a small room with his wife and two children. They still insisted that she live with them, but she wanted to reside in the home in peace and not be a burden to her son and his family.”
“Another story is of an old couple who were dropped off by their son-in-law. I learned that they had six children residing in Dhaka and Khulna, but no one was willing to take on their responsibility. Later, the woman was diagnosed with tumour and taken to hospital, where she was informed that she needed surgery. I received a call saying that someone needed to sign the consent form prior to surgery and rushed to do so. There, I was informed that all her children were informed, but none had showed up. All my office staff warned me that this was the job of a family member and if anything happened to her, I might get into trouble with the authorities. Later, the husband was called in to perform the formality. One of their sons is a ship captain and at his wedding, when his to-be in-laws insisted on the presence of his parents, the son took them out of the old home, rented a flat in Khulna and gave them new clothes to wear for the ceremony. The day after, they were stripped off these new garments and thrown out once again. I was surprised by the incident and asked the old woman the reason behind this kind of behaviour from their children. The husband told me that their children were angry as they were unable to provide for them properly, and most of them grew up in hardship, often living with relatives. That is why the children ignored the elderly parents.”
Social activist Salina Akhter, who set up Subarta, a residential care facility for the elderly that provides assisted living arrangement, food, recreation and geriatric health services, told the Weekend magazine: “We have 24/7 nursing staff available, and also doctors. We have our own ambulance and paramedics in case of emergency and everyday from 4-6pm, we have a physiotherapist visiting our facility.”
“There is an old-age allowance allocated by the government, but they are unable to pay everyone on the list. Many do not have the official card required to avail this facility and sometimes a bribe is required to get the application rolling and in most cases in rural areas, people are unable to pay the price required,” Akhter claimed.
“We try our best to provide a level of care in the Netrokona area as well. We hand out food, clothes, medicines to the elderly there and try to provide medical care as well. Older people with serious ailments are transported to Dhaka for treatment and once they are recovering, we return them to their own homes and move on to the next person in dire need of medical attention,” she added.
“Yes, there is a law that children are to take care of their parents, but there is no one to implement it. If there were social workers assigned to carry out regular checks to see whether this law is being followed, then it might have a shot at working. But sadly, we do not have that system in place yet. There are people at our facility who have had no contact with family for 30 years or so. They cannot locate their properties and some have absolutely no family, whatsoever. We have residents whose children refuse to pay for their housing and care in our facilities,” informed Akhter.
She also urged the media to step up and talk about the positive sides of people living in old-age homes.
Talking about the government’s role in implementing the law where children are obligated to care for their elderly parents, Gazi Mohammad Nurul Kabir, director general of the Department of Social Services, said: “Implementation of any law takes time and we are working on developing the rules and regulations necessary to carry out the implementation of this law. We will soon be launching an ‘old age development foundation’ where issues related to caring for the elderly and their wellbeing will be addressed in a regulated manner.”
Salina Akhter, who is also secretary general  of  Subarta Trust, cited some facts and suggestions about caring for the elderly.
“The government should involve community participation for elderly care, so that specialised care centres can grow. It should not be  commercial or based on charity. It can be a social business, with government assistance in regards to concrete guidelines and allocation of land, interest-free investment etc.  The authorities  should also pay attention to health education, and geriatric science should be included in health studies,” Akhter said.
The government cannot identify the sufferings and miseries of elderly people in their homes and   offer solution. So, volunteers should be involved in social networking, Akhter opined.
“The elderly are very helpless. In many cases, circumstances do not allow them to express their pain or sufferings to others. For example, how can a stroke patient sue his son/ daughter for maintenance?  Moreover, there is a large number of people in our society who are childless or single, who are stepping into old age. What can we do for them in a single awareness day? The elderly are not only abused by sons and daughters, they are mistreated by others too. A concrete law should be enacted to ensure protection of elder’s property,” she added.

Caring for the elderly

Life as we know it will certainly change as we age. People the world over are inclined towards delaying the aging process, but alas, it is an unavoidable part of life and regardless of how much anti-aging products we pile on, it will get us all, soon enough. As the world observed the 10th World Elder Abuse Awareness Day on June 15, aimed at creating public awareness about the mistreatment and neglect of older persons (65+), lets take a look at the most common problems that the elderly face in todays society in Bangladesh. The first and foremost problem facing families nowadays seem to be: who will care for aging family members. The pace of life among the young has changed and given the amount of work required to compete in todays world, there is hardly any time left to take of the elderly. We go for the easy solution. We follow the usual norm of hiring household help who is put in charge of caring for the old person. We come home late and hardly say a word to our spouses or children, let alone our elderly parents. But still, that seems preferable over putting them in an old-age home. There is stigma attached to putting your elderly relatives in care homes; it makes you seem irresponsible and selfish and we choose to adhere to that perfect son/daughter image and hire untrained individuals to do a specialists work. The Weekend Independent caught up with Khatib Abdul Zahid Mukul, a humanitarian and founding chairman of Old Rehabilitation Centre, which was established in 1987 on rented premises and later moved to its own land, located at a calm and quite place in Bishia, Gazipur. In April 1995, Nobel peace prize winner, Mother Teresa, laid the foundation stone of the centres expansion project. Sharing some of his experiences, Mukul said: Firstly, the way our society views the act of putting ones parents in old homes will have to be altered. This notion is frowned upon by society, but it is definitely a good option, given that the residents in our home are mostly 65-plus, and when they have people of their own age around to keep them company, they are definitely less lonely. Another common reason why many are reluctant to send their parents to old homes is that they want their children to enjoy the company of their grandparents. The reality of many elderly citizens residing in the old home is heartbreaking, continued Mukul. You see, we are brought up by our parents, especially the sons are pampered more so that they will support their elderly parents. But I have seen many cases where the much-cherished son ignores his parents and just refuses to take responsibility. I have even witnessed emotional abuse of the elderly by close family members. In many cases, the son who does not earn much gives preference to his own children over his parents, financial ability often is the cause for negligence of elderly parents in our society. I have 33 years of experience and so many stories to tell, one such story is of a mother who refused to be a burden on her son. One day, a man called me and requested that I stop keeping his mother as a resident in the old home. He was a tea-stall owner in Gulshan area and lived in a nearby settlement. I went to my facility in search for the mother and when I found her, I asked her about the real story behind her sons request. She told me that her son was struggling financially and lived in a small room with his wife and two children. They still insisted that she live with them, but she wanted to reside in the home in peace and not be a burden to her son and his family. Another story is of an old couple who were dropped off by their son-in-law. I learned that they had six children residing in Dhaka and Khulna, but no one was willing to take on their responsibility. Later, the woman was diagnosed with tumour and taken to hospital, where she was informed that she needed surgery. I received a call saying that someone needed to sign the consent form prior to surgery and rushed to do so. There, I was informed that all her children were informed, but none had showed up. All my office staff warned me that this was the job of a family member and if anything happened to her, I might get into trouble with the authorities. Later, the husband was called in to perform the formality. One of their sons is a ship captain and at his wedding, when his to-be in-laws insisted on the presence of his parents, the son took them out of the old home, rented a flat in Khulna and gave them new clothes to wear for the ceremony. The day after, they were stripped off these new garments and thrown out once again. I was surprised by the incident and asked the old woman the reason behind this kind of behaviour from their children. The husband told me that their children were angry as they were unable to provide for them properly, and most of them grew up in hardship, often living with relatives. That is why the children ignored the elderly parents. Social activist Salina Akhter, who set up Subarta, a residential care facility for the elderly that provides assisted living arrangement, food, recreation and geriatric health services, told the Weekend magazine: We have 24/7 nursing staff available, and also doctors. We have our own ambulance and paramedics in case of emergency and everyday from 4-6pm, we have a physiotherapist visiting our facility. There is an old-age allowance allocated by the government, but they are unable to pay everyone on the list. Many do not have the official card required to avail this facility and sometimes a bribe is required to get the application rolling and in most cases in rural areas, people are unable to pay the price required, Akhter claimed. We try our best to provide a level of care in the Netrokona area as well. We hand out food, clothes, medicines to the elderly there and try to provide medical care as well. Older people with serious ailments are transported to Dhaka for treatment and once they are recovering, we return them to their own homes and move on to the next person in dire need of medical attention, she added. Yes, there is a law that children are to take care of their parents, but there is no one to implement it. If there were social workers assigned to carry out regular checks to see whether this law is being followed, then it might have a shot at working. But sadly, we do not have that system in place yet. There are people at our facility who have had no contact with family for 30 years or so. They cannot locate their properties and some have absolutely no family, whatsoever. We have residents whose children refuse to pay for their housing and care in our facilities, informed Akhter. She also urged the media to step up and talk about the positive sides of people living in old-age homes. Talking about the governments role in implementing the law where children are obligated to care for their elderly parents, Gazi Mohammad Nurul Kabir, director general of the Department of Social Services, said: Implementation of any law takes time and we are working on developing the rules and regulations necessary to carry out the implementation of this law. We will soon be launching an old age development foundation where issues related to caring for the elderly and their wellbeing will be addressed in a regulated manner. Salina Akhter, who is also secretary general of Subarta Trust, cited some facts and suggestions about caring for the elderly. The government should involve community participation for elderly care, so that specialised care centres can grow. It should not be commercial or based on charity. It can be a social business, with government assistance in regards to concrete guidelines and allocation of land, interest-free investment etc. The authorities should also pay attention to health education, and geriatric science should be included in health studies, Akhter said. The government cannot identify the sufferings and miseries of elderly people in their homes and offer solution. So, volunteers should be involved in social networking, Akhter opined. The elderly are very helpless. In many cases, circumstances do not allow them to express their pain or sufferings to others. For example, how can a stroke patient sue his son/ daughter for maintenance? Moreover, there is a large number of people in our society who are childless or single, who are stepping into old age. What can we do for them in a single awareness day? The elderly are not only abused by sons and daughters, they are mistreated by others too. A concrete law should be enacted to ensure protection of elders property, she added.