Relevance of joint family in a fast growing society
There is a limit of selfishness in us as human beings. It just only depends on how much we are..!! Why cant we have a broader point of view squeezing our selfishness to altruism?
A joint family is a group of people who generally live under one roof, who share the common kitchen, who hold all property in common, take part in common family worship and are related to one another as some particular type of kindred. This definition refers to an ideal situation of family in terms of its corporate character. In structural terms, joint family implies living together of members of two or more elementary families both lineally and laterally. When a joint family consists of grandparents, parents, grandsons and daughter, it is called a lineal joint family.
Straight benefits:
Give social strength and a sense of security
Economic: sharing of resources saves money to grow wealth faster
No need to worry about your Kids and young ones, since always there will be someone home to look after them
Old ones can die in peace with love around own people around
Makes you more culture and tolerable to other irritation of life
Direct support in difficult times
A harmonious joint family set-up can be a boon. It can provide a wonderful support system emotionally and financially. In the ideal sense, one can share both ones triumphs and failures. The joint family is ideal for the woman who wants to work as well as have a family. Working women have someone to leave their children with when they are away at work, rather than leaving their children in a crche or with servants. After all, as they say, blood is thicker than water.
Womenfolk are commonly blamed for the breaking up of a family because they are the most sufferers due the disadvantages, which is more evident in most of the cases. Modern stresses, city strains and rampant materialism conspire to make urban joint families irrelevant or even extinct. It becomes difficult for an independent lady with self esteem and self ego to survive in a situation like this.
Exception case: The family of M.M. Krishnamurthy has been living jointly for four generations in the midst of bustling Bangalore. They even run a family business, the MM industries. Krishnamurthys 40-member family is known as the MM Industries family, MM industry being the family business. Septuagenarian Krishnamurthy, second of four brothers, is the head. He rejoices in joint living, he told me, I cannot explain the joys of living together. One has to live and experience it. It requires so much adjustment and patience. It teaches you so many things.
We prosper only because of our unity. Everyone in the family is expected to do their own job, Krishnamurthy told. Girls in the MM family are allowed to study as much as they want, but they are not permitted to work. Its against the family tradition, states Krishnamurthy. The women visit their relatives and attend family functions. Viewing movies is very rare. All the earning members contribute a portion of their income to a common finance pool. All family expenses are met by this account. A perfect record of all expenses is kept with vouchers, says Krishnamurthy. Youngsters are not given pocket money. Only the earning members handle money. All requirements are met by the elders. Youth cannot go out without the permission of their parents or elders.
To me, Krishnamurthy divulged two secrets of a successful joint family, To live together like this, everyone must contribute to the family, not just money, but also sharing the work equally. And there must be a strong leader, a kind of benevolent dictator.
Minimising the conjugal and parent-child relationships are important for system maintenance. This is so, because if they were allowed to develop, they could set the atmosphere for the creation of a nuclear family. Institutionalised mechanisms created to control this include:
(a)the segregation of the sexes, which is manifested in a sexual division of roles as well as in a separate social life for both men and women, the rules of which are internalised through gender role socialisation;
(b)the disapproval of the romantic complex prior to marriage through arranged alliances in which the family plays a pivotal role, the absence of courtship and the discouragement of overt manifestations of emotional behaviour between the couple. Deviations from these are highly condemned, with the spousal relation being one of respect from the wifes side and indifference/kindliness from the husbands; and
(c)the ability of all the adults in the house, especially the males, to regard all the children as their own and not favour any one child/any one group of children. Despite these mechanisms, physical and emotional intimacy between the spouses and a strong mother-child bond do develop and coexist with joint family sentiments. At times, when they conflict, they could lead to a division of the joint family.
As far as the relations in the joint family are concerned, system maintenance being of prime importance, familial and fraternal bonds are encouraged. Problems in the fraternal relationship could arise because age differences give rise to status differences which, in turn, could precipitate rivalry and conflict. These are thwarted by the principle of deference to age. Another potential source of conflict is the mothers favour for a particular child.
Womens status and living experiences in a joint family are determined firstly, by their secondary gender status; and secondly, by the fact that they enter the family as strangers, outsiders and individuals who must fit in with an already developed functional and cultural unit. Besides these factors, their diverse backgrounds generate strain for them and between them. But they must conform in order to survive, though they may find this distasteful and stressful. This could work as a strain on the family, threatening its stability if the conjugal bond is strong, thereby demonstrating the relevance of minimising it. Mechanisms to reduce this strain include a further division of work among the women, the system of arranged marriage, the absence of the romantic complex, caste endogamy and early marriage. While caste endogamy facilitates a homogeneous background for the women, early marriage ensures the wifes adaptability. These facilitate the smooth functioning of the family, though women may continue to feel unhappy who develop prejudice towards any relationship.
Everyone knows how difficult family relations are in general. Nuclear families sometimes find it hard to maintain cordial relations. One would probably think that in joint families with so many people and so many vested interests, maintaining family harmony must be an uphill task. I feel that as far as problems are concerned, people who have done study on family and relationships would definitely not say that there are more problems in joint families and less in nuclear families. Some people have difficulty dealing with other people and such people will face problems wherever they go. For a joint family system to work, the members will have to learn to adjust, to overcome their petty jealousies, to develop mutual respect between the generations, and to learn to give each other space.
Whos the boss?
Another problem is that there are too many authority figures in joint families. Sometimes, grandparents undermine
the mothers authority because they feel that they have more experience in raising children.
They pass adverse remarks to the mother in front of the children like, You dont know how to handle children As a result, the mother feels suppressed, depressed and frustrated. She, in turn, takes her frustration out on her children, which affects the overall development of the child.
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