Women in Bangladesh: Double standards continue

While the situation of urban educated women is bad enough, the condition of her rural sister is sometimes really pathetic

Recently, in the Banasree residential area of the capital two children died in suspicious circumstances. Initially the media reports said that the siblings died of food poisoning after having dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Later suspicions turned to family members and the mother of the kids, Mahfuza Malek Jesmin, was accused of killing the children. This news was received with shock, outrage and indignation, The sentiment was basically the same–How can a mother kill her own flesh and blood. Even a senior law enforcement official said that it is simply unthinkable that a mother will kill her child. This writer is not sure how much knowledge of criminal history psychology and psychology the man has, But there actually is a term for parents who kill their children. It is called filicide. And just like there are some fathers who kill and rape their children, there are mothers who do the same. Of course it is not common but not really unheard of. If it was the father who was accused of the murders then the shock would have been much less.  While we call for gender equality who expect different behaviour from women,
The RAB media wing director told a local newspaper that “Mahfuza Malek Jesmin” killed her children over extra marital affair and psychological and social disorder.” He made the statement apparently based on a ‘confession’ made by the women. Whether this statement had any legal basis is open to question. A confession is not a confession unless it is made in front of a magistrate or a court of law.
A section of the media sensationalised the incident. Again one is tempted to think that if it was father that was the accused that section of the media would have been much more restrained.  
Clearly even in these modern times women continue to get a raw deal. In spite of activities of numerous social workers and NGOs women continue to be mistreated in every sphere of the society.
It is a myth that women who are educated or financially independent are free. They too are hapless victims of various social conventions and norms. One hears of highly educated working women abused day in day out by the husbands or the in laws. Many of the women put up with mistreatment and sufferings. The alternative is not very lucrative.
Women who opt for divorce are looked down upon. The society believes that there should be one set of rules for men and a completely different, and often diametrically opposite one, for the women. The ideal women should be the epitome of all virtues. She should tolerate everything, even if it happens to be the local goon calling her a wh … for the crime of returning home after sunset. Even the local police station chief will tell her in no uncertain terms that a good girl should ignore the remarks of eve teasers and no good girl is seen outside the confines of her home at night.
However, as we all know even inside the confines of her home a girl is not safe. Just a recent news item said three girl of the same family were burnt when some miscreants threw acid from outside the window. People breaking inside the house and raping is by no means a rare phenomenon.
Even after tough laws were passed against acid throwing such incidents continue to prevail. This repulsive phenomenon seems to be most common in Bangladesh. Jilted lovers take recourse to acid get even. I often wonder how a man can so inhumanely disfigure a face which was so precious to him previously. However, the workings of a perverse man defy logic more often than not. In spite of so many barbaric incidents, acid continues to easily available.
The regulations regarding selling of this potentially dangerous substance seems to be non-existent or, even there are laws, they are never enforced.
While the situation of urban educated women is bad enough, the condition of her rural sister is really pathetic, what with fatwas and mob justice deciding the fate of fallen women. Even today women are ordered to be stoned or whipped by ignorant mullahs. There was this court ruling banning fatwas. The thing to notice is that a man invariably gets away with nominal punishment whereas women are harshly treated.
One area where girls have the least power is early marriage, a practice that turns them into chattels traded off to cancel family debts, solidify clan relationships, reduce the burden on poor families, or ensure that a daughter will marry before rape or romance can “dishonour” her family. Some underage weddings are covert “midnight marriages” that send even pre-teen girls to he altar with boys or men they have never met.
Dowries are illegal, however the law is almost impossible to enforce, and the practice persists for most marriages. The model used to calculate the dowry takes the bridegroom's education and future earning potential into account while the bride's education and earning potential are only relevant to her societal role of being a better wife and mother. The bridegroom's demand for a dowry can easily exceed the annual salary of a typical family, and consequently be economically disastrous especially in families with more than one or two daughters. As a child, girls are often treated differently from male children in terms of nutrition and health care; where limited food or financial resources are available, the insufficient means are prone to be allocated unevenly in favour of the male offspring.This imbalance results in insufficient care afforded to girls and women, and is the first major reason for the high levels of child malnutrition.
Look at parenting. A mother does everything all her life and that is expected, that is her role in life. A father who does just a tiny amount like reading bed time stories, or attending a school event is considered a wonderful and caring father, even by the children who also assume that the mother is there for them anyway.
And take behaviour patterns. A woman is always mocked at for being obsessed with shopping. But a man glued to TV watching cricket, or the stock market, or tennis is considered cool. Is one obsession worse or better, more intelligent or stupider than the other? Says who?
Or look at the corporate field. A determined man, one with ambition, is considered prime managerial material. A woman with the same qualities is considered pushy,
aggressive (note, not ambitious which is a positive term) and a ball breaker.
Let us come to the stereotyped image of Bengali women or, indeed, women all over south Asia. We have two roles specified for women. One is that of a mother whom we adulate to the point of deification. The films of the region also help perpetuate this image.
The other is of a loose woman designated for those who fall even slightly below the image she is supposed to uphold. We have great difficulty in seeing women as flesh and blood figures with human needs. A woman with a strong personality has no place in the society.
When talking of the status of woman many of us speak about the fact that both the prime minister and the leader of the opposition are woman. True. Yet the fact remains that the lot of women has not improved much under female leadership.

The writer is Assistant Editor of The Independent and can be contacted at: [email protected]

Women in Bangladesh: Double standards continue

While the situation of urban educated women is bad enough, the condition of her rural sister is sometimes really pathetic

Recently, in the Banasree residential area of the capital two children died in suspicious circumstances. Initially the media reports said that the siblings died of food poisoning after having dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Later suspicions turned to family members and the mother of the kids, Mahfuza Malek Jesmin, was accused of killing the children. This news was received with shock, outrage and indignation, The sentiment was basically the sameHow can a mother kill her own flesh and blood. Even a senior law enforcement official said that it is simply unthinkable that a mother will kill her child. This writer is not sure how much knowledge of criminal history psychology and psychology the man has, But there actually is a term for parents who kill their children. It is called filicide. And just like there are some fathers who kill and rape their children, there are mothers who do the same. Of course it is not common but not really unheard of. If it was the father who was accused of the murders then the shock would have been much less. While we call for gender equality who expect different behaviour from women, The RAB media wing director told a local newspaper that Mahfuza Malek Jesmin killed her children over extra marital affair and psychological and social disorder. He made the statement apparently based on a confession made by the women. Whether this statement had any legal basis is open to question. A confession is not a confession unless it is made in front of a magistrate or a court of law. A section of the media sensationalised the incident. Again one is tempted to think that if it was father that was the accused that section of the media would have been much more restrained. Clearly even in these modern times women continue to get a raw deal. In spite of activities of numerous social workers and NGOs women continue to be mistreated in every sphere of the society. It is a myth that women who are educated or financially independent are free. They too are hapless victims of various social conventions and norms. One hears of highly educated working women abused day in day out by the husbands or the in laws. Many of the women put up with mistreatment and sufferings. The alternative is not very lucrative. Women who opt for divorce are looked down upon. The society believes that there should be one set of rules for men and a completely different, and often diametrically opposite one, for the women. The ideal women should be the epitome of all virtues. She should tolerate everything, even if it happens to be the local goon calling her a wh for the crime of returning home after sunset. Even the local police station chief will tell her in no uncertain terms that a good girl should ignore the remarks of eve teasers and no good girl is seen outside the confines of her home at night. However, as we all know even inside the confines of her home a girl is not safe. Just a recent news item said three girl of the same family were burnt when some miscreants threw acid from outside the window. People breaking inside the house and raping is by no means a rare phenomenon. Even after tough laws were passed against acid throwing such incidents continue to prevail. This repulsive phenomenon seems to be most common in Bangladesh. Jilted lovers take recourse to acid get even. I often wonder how a man can so inhumanely disfigure a face which was so precious to him previously. However, the workings of a perverse man defy logic more often than not. In spite of so many barbaric incidents, acid continues to easily available. The regulations regarding selling of this potentially dangerous substance seems to be non-existent or, even there are laws, they are never enforced. While the situation of urban educated women is bad enough, the condition of her rural sister is really pathetic, what with fatwas and mob justice deciding the fate of fallen women. Even today women are ordered to be stoned or whipped by ignorant mullahs. There was this court ruling banning fatwas. The thing to notice is that a man invariably gets away with nominal punishment whereas women are harshly treated. One area where girls have the least power is early marriage, a practice that turns them into chattels traded off to cancel family debts, solidify clan relationships, reduce the burden on poor families, or ensure that a daughter will marry before rape or romance can dishonour her family. Some underage weddings are covert midnight marriages that send even pre-teen girls to he altar with boys or men they have never met. Dowries are illegal, however the law is almost impossible to enforce, and the practice persists for most marriages. The model used to calculate the dowry takes the bridegrooms education and future earning potential into account while the brides education and earning potential are only relevant to her societal role of being a better wife and mother. The bridegrooms demand for a dowry can easily exceed the annual salary of a typical family, and consequently be economically disastrous especially in families with more than one or two daughters. As a child, girls are often treated differently from male children in terms of nutrition and health care; where limited food or financial resources are available, the insufficient means are prone to be allocated unevenly in favour of the male offspring.This imbalance results in insufficient care afforded to girls and women, and is the first major reason for the high levels of child malnutrition. Look at parenting. A mother does everything all her life and that is expected, that is her role in life. A father who does just a tiny amount like reading bed time stories, or attending a school event is considered a wonderful and caring father, even by the children who also assume that the mother is there for them anyway. And take behaviour patterns. A woman is always mocked at for being obsessed with shopping. But a man glued to TV watching cricket, or the stock market, or tennis is considered cool. Is one obsession worse or better, more intelligent or stupider than the other? Says who? Or look at the corporate field. A determined man, one with ambition, is considered prime managerial material. A woman with the same qualities is considered pushy, aggressive (note, not ambitious which is a positive term) and a ball breaker. Let us come to the stereotyped image of Bengali women or, indeed, women all over south Asia. We have two roles specified for women. One is that of a mother whom we adulate to the point of deification. The films of the region also help perpetuate this image. The other is of a loose woman designated for those who fall even slightly below the image she is supposed to uphold. We have great difficulty in seeing women as flesh and blood figures with human needs. A woman with a strong personality has no place in the society. When talking of the status of woman many of us speak about the fact that both the prime minister and the leader of the opposition are woman. True. Yet the fact remains that the lot of women has not improved much under female leadership. The writer is Assistant Editor of The Independent and can be contacted at: [email protected]