IN A LIGHTER VEIN

Backseat driving is great fun!

Isn’t it strange that the luxury of backseat driving is reserved for those who may not even be able to afford a car? The backseat driver needs no steering, no clutch, no accelerator and no brake. What’s more, he doesn’t need a driving licence—neither a temporary permit nor a permanent one. He doesn’t even need to spend money on vehicle insurance.  Yet, he can drive a car that he doesn’t even own!

The backseat driver does not use his hands and legs to drive the car. He uses his mouth! What more could one ask for?

All that a backseat driver needs is paranoia, nervous energy and a nagging mind. For long, I have been honoured with the rare privilege of being the favourite victim of backseat drivers! The backseat drivers were none other than my relatives and friends…and, their relatives and their friends. Sometimes, even hitch-hikers displayed outstanding skills at backseat driving!

“Hey, let go of that clutch…,” called one of them from the backseat one day. Otherwise, the car won’t move. I took my left foot off the clutch and released it just to check if my friend’s advice was any good. The engine came to halt with a jerk! I turned around and gave a stern look to my friend. Suddenly, I found him looking everywhere else except into my eyes!

The other day, my uncle who happens to be a good driver, chose to drift into the position of a backseat driver for some reason. He said: “Hey, there is no room in the front to turn the car…just reverse it a bit and you can turn it conveniently.

I reversed the car a bit and hit a lamp post! I ended up with a huge dent on the back of my car. I just turned around and looked at my uncle and that was enough to convey what I wanted to tell him: “Look what you have done!” I didn’t want to utter those words. But, in situations like that, communication seems to be automatic. And, that too, without words!

Though I said nothing, my uncle reacted by saying: “Man, why are you staring at me like that? I asked you to reverse the car…I didn’t ask you to ram it into the lamppost.”

Then, I have friends who constantly guide me on how to drive on city streets. And, I always wonder why I went to the driving school…why I got myself a driving license…and, why I always carry my driving license in my pocket.

With so many backseat drivers around, there should have been no reason for me to take driving lessons in the first place. And, I shouldn’t have gone in for a driving license at all. And, if I went that far by mistake, I should have at least got my driving license framed and hung it in front of the car for everyone to see!

My friends keep telling me: “Hey, keep your car to the left of the road…just let the other car pass…now, now, now…take it easy…you almost kissed the bumper of the car in front…be careful, give way to the bus…it could be dangerous to drive so close to a big vehicle you know…

Backseat driving never ends. And, one doesn’t love it when one is in the driving seat because one is there just for name’s sake. Sometimes, it could turn out to be a long and irritating experience that one could do without. What could be worse than the driver not being in the driver’s seat? I mean, though he is physically there, he is not allowed to be quite there!
There are all kinds of fools in this world. But, none as qualified and competent as me! I seem to have a soft corner in my heart for backseat drivers. Why else would I borrow money from my relatives and friends and take out a loan from a bank to buy a car?! And, pay the unending EMI (equated monthly instalment) for years…?

Well, I don’t know and I don’t care. I am surprised that I cannot see what the backseat drivers can see sitting at the back of my car! I wonder if I should surrender my driving license and purchase a pair of spectacles instead? I am fed up with backseat drivers.

After hundreds of lessons from backseat drivers, I have learnt one big lesson. I have decided to sell off my car and pay off my loan. I would love to be a backseat driver and drive all the drivers in town crazy rather than being a driver myself!

(The writer is a cultural commentator based in New Delhi)

IN A LIGHTER VEIN

Backseat driving is great fun!

Isnt it strange that the luxury of backseat driving is reserved for those who may not even be able to afford a car? The backseat driver needs no steering, no clutch, no accelerator and no brake. Whats more, he doesnt need a driving licenceneither a temporary permit nor a permanent one. He doesnt even need to spend money on vehicle insurance. Yet, he can drive a car that he doesnt even own! The backseat driver does not use his hands and legs to drive the car. He uses his mouth! What more could one ask for? All that a backseat driver needs is paranoia, nervous energy and a nagging mind. For long, I have been honoured with the rare privilege of being the favourite victim of backseat drivers! The backseat drivers were none other than my relatives and friendsand, their relatives and their friends. Sometimes, even hitch-hikers displayed outstanding skills at backseat driving! Hey, let go of that clutch, called one of them from the backseat one day. Otherwise, the car wont move. I took my left foot off the clutch and released it just to check if my friends advice was any good. The engine came to halt with a jerk! I turned around and gave a stern look to my friend. Suddenly, I found him looking everywhere else except into my eyes! The other day, my uncle who happens to be a good driver, chose to drift into the position of a backseat driver for some reason. He said: Hey, there is no room in the front to turn the carjust reverse it a bit and you can turn it conveniently. I reversed the car a bit and hit a lamp post! I ended up with a huge dent on the back of my car. I just turned around and looked at my uncle and that was enough to convey what I wanted to tell him: Look what you have done! I didnt want to utter those words. But, in situations like that, communication seems to be automatic. And, that too, without words! Though I said nothing, my uncle reacted by saying: Man, why are you staring at me like that? I asked you to reverse the carI didnt ask you to ram it into the lamppost. Then, I have friends who constantly guide me on how to drive on city streets. And, I always wonder why I went to the driving schoolwhy I got myself a driving licenseand, why I always carry my driving license in my pocket. With so many backseat drivers around, there should have been no reason for me to take driving lessons in the first place. And, I shouldnt have gone in for a driving license at all. And, if I went that far by mistake, I should have at least got my driving license framed and hung it in front of the car for everyone to see! My friends keep telling me: Hey, keep your car to the left of the roadjust let the other car passnow, now, nowtake it easyyou almost kissed the bumper of the car in frontbe careful, give way to the busit could be dangerous to drive so close to a big vehicle you know Backseat driving never ends. And, one doesnt love it when one is in the driving seat because one is there just for names sake. Sometimes, it could turn out to be a long and irritating experience that one could do without. What could be worse than the driver not being in the drivers seat? I mean, though he is physically there, he is not allowed to be quite there! There are all kinds of fools in this world. But, none as qualified and competent as me! I seem to have a soft corner in my heart for backseat drivers. Why else would I borrow money from my relatives and friends and take out a loan from a bank to buy a car?! And, pay the unending EMI (equated monthly instalment) for years? Well, I dont know and I dont care. I am surprised that I cannot see what the backseat drivers can see sitting at the back of my car! I wonder if I should surrender my driving license and purchase a pair of spectacles instead? I am fed up with backseat drivers. After hundreds of lessons from backseat drivers, I have learnt one big lesson. I have decided to sell off my car and pay off my loan. I would love to be a backseat driver and drive all the drivers in town crazy rather than being a driver myself! (The writer is a cultural commentator based in New Delhi)