Laughing out loud

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.

"Want to grab a drink?" he asks the centipede. But there’s no answer from the box. A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, "Hey! Do you want to get a drink?"

"I heard you the first time!" says a small, irritated voice. "I’m putting on my shoes!"

 * * * * * * *

   Once I’d finished reviewing my daughter’s homework, I gave her an impromptu quiz. “What is a group of whales called?” I asked. “I’ll give you a hint—it sounds like something you use to listen to music.”

“An iPod?” she guessed.

“Close,” I said. “But what I’m thinking of is a little smaller.”

“A Shuffle!”

 * * * * * * *

   A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

"My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee."

"I know," says the second owner.

"How do you know?"

"My dog told me."

 * * * * * * *  

The week we got our puppy, I caught a stomach bug and stayed home from work one day. That afternoon, my wife called to check up on me.

"I’m okay," I said. "But guess who pooped in the dining room."

My wife’s response: "Who?"

Compiled from the internet

Laughing out loud

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out. Want to grab a drink? he asks the centipede. But theres no answer from the box. A few minutes later, he asks againstill no reply. Finally, he hollers, Hey! Do you want to get a drink? I heard you the first time! says a small, irritated voice. Im putting on my shoes! * * * * * * * Once Id finished reviewing my daughters homework, I gave her an impromptu quiz. What is a group of whales called? I asked. Ill give you a hintit sounds like something you use to listen to music. An iPod? she guessed. Close, I said. But what Im thinking of is a little smaller. A Shuffle! * * * * * * * A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter. My dog is so smart, says the first owner, that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee. I know, says the second owner. How do you know? My dog told me. * * * * * * * The week we got our puppy, I caught a stomach bug and stayed home from work one day. That afternoon, my wife called to check up on me. Im okay, I said. But guess who pooped in the dining room. My wifes response: Who? Compiled from the internet